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But a crush was a crush, if anything buttressed by the conviction that feminism, like any of the girls I had ever liked, was too good for me.It was in my junior year of college that I first read the Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex.Feminism was too cool, too effortlessly hip, to be interested in a person like me, whom social anxiety had prevented from speaking over the telephone until well into high school. I limited myself, therefore, to acts of distant admiration.I left critical comments on the student newspaper’s latest exposé of this or that frat party.For Solanas, an aspiring playwright, politics begins with an aesthetic judgment.This is because male and female are essentially styles for her, rival aesthetic schools distinguishable by their respective adjectival palettes.
The only other memory with a shot at that title is my pubescent infatuation with my best friend, a moody, low-voiced, Hot Topic–shopping girl who, it dawned on me only many years later, was doing her best impression of Shane from .
One day she told me she had a secret to tell me after school; I spent the whole day queasy with hope that a declaration of her affections was forthcoming.
Later, over the phone, after a pause big enough to drown in, she told me she was gay.
But whatever discipline had instilled itself before a match would dissolve in its aftermath, often following a pit stop for greasy highway-exit food, as the girls relaxed into an innocent dishabille: untucked jerseys, tight undershirts, the strap of a sports bra.
They talked, with the candor of postgame exhaustion, of boys, sex, and other vices; of good taste and bad blood and small, sharp desires.
“I didn’t know that was a thing you could study.” I cocked my head, confused. I, too, had felt the thrill of its clandestine discovery.